I am woman!
You Strike a woman, you strike a rock
We often think that it is easy to spot an independent woman. She’s the size six, high heel wearing, briefcase carrying, un-attached glamourzon. She goes home to a spacious apartment, fancy dinners and unlimited “me time”, while other women go home to screaming kids, a nagging husband and something that once resembled a household. It’s her life that we envy, wishing that if we could do things over the sole concern in our lives would be ourselves. The misconception with this idea though, is that being single, childless and career-driven does not make one independent. Independence, much like freedom, is a state of mind, an inner strength and understanding that has nothing to do with the outside world.
As women we have a natural inclination for comparing our worst to everyone else’s best. Women, who choose the office over motherhood and marriage, are somehow frowned upon by contemporary society. We are made to feel guilty for the decisions we make, particularly those which involve looking out for our own interests. One of our greatest and most challenging roles in life will be to stay true to who we are. However great our strides towards equality become we will always have the stereotype of “what a woman’s role entails” attached to us, and it is our responsibly to change that.
It doesn’t take a highly intellectual being to realize that in today’s society, marriage and commitment do not hold the same value they used to. Relationships can be defined by a status on Facebook and we are even able to have one with someone without ever seeing them. It’s no surprise then that within the last couple of years there has been a steady decline in successful marriages. There is a younger generation of women who are suiting up and opting for an office rather than a nursery, and a boss, rather than a husband. “Things are not how they use to be in my day, woman have more choice now. They don’t need a man for financial security anymore”, says Dee, a remarried divorcee. “Women are becoming more career driven, investing more time in themselves and their education”.
In the past men were thought of as the sole bread winners of the family, while wives would submissively take on the role of stay at home mom; a task which in itself is as daunting, if not more so ,than any office job. But over time there has been a steady shift in roles. Women have gained a sense of strength and self awareness that has enabled them to defy the stereotype that previously confined them. Eleanor Roosevelt, Princess Diana and Oprah Winfrey are just some of the revolutionary women who are living proof of this strength, both physical and mental, that females possess.
This isn’t to say that getting rid of the man in your life will grant you eternal bliss. What it means is that for those few “scarlet” women out there, who think of men as disposable credit cards, are in fact banishing women back into said stereotype. It is a slap in the face to those individuals who tirelessly fought for the liberation and equality of women. We are living in an era where we are afforded equal opportunity to define who we are and who we want to be. Whether we are single, married, divorced, a mother or not, we are all capable of being independent and owning that strength.
We no longer need to be tied down for the sole purpose of feeling secure. Nor should we take the all feminist approach and start an anti-men campaign. It all starts with balance, knowing who we are and establishing those all important boundaries. The definition of independence does not mean living a life free from responsibility and being too proud to ask for help when it is needed. It is a case of knowing who you are, what you want from life and not compromising your sense of self-worth. “To me independence is about being in charge of your own decisions, about not relying on anyone to create your own happiness”, says Salwa, a first year college student.
The growing trend for women, who are holding back on marriage and having children nowadays, is perhaps a sign of a failing “industry”; one that once held more merit than it does today. Perhaps it is a demonstration of the need for liberation that woman are trying to express. But what is most significant is that we are now given a choice, and which ever “role” or job we choose to embrace does not have to be set in stone. To place any kind of limitations on your life will only hinder your capabilities and potential.
It is not always easy to keep that strength and tenacity when we are conditioned to believe that we are the weaker race. From infancy we are pre-programmed into specific, pre-set roles. The “brainwashing” begins when we are handed a doll and a tea set, rarely are we given a pen and paper and told we would make excellent business women.
It has taken centuries for women to own the kind of freedom that we have today. We owe it to ourselves to break down the stereotypes and previous conditions which once defined who we were. The liberating thing about choice is that with it, you can accomplish anything. Choice can never be right or wrong, good or bad, it is simply about following a direction and dealing with the consequences, positive or negative, that follow. We are free to be the individuals we so desire to be, to define what we want to achieve in our futures and to choose our own roles in life.
Independence is not defined by the lack of attachments you have in your life or by the amount of material possessions you own. It comes from a self awareness that allows you to understand the nature of who you are and learning to utilise your inner strengths. It is about breaking away from previous ideologies and forming your own perceptions. So, if you’re looking to achieve independence, start with a little soul searching.
My World 